Yes, we’ve conquered science.

I remember a Sminnoff advert that was shown in the UK with a man taking an urn of ashes and getting it reduced into a diamond and then selling it. It was a fantastic ad, so fantastic that I fantasised for days after about burning everything I owned, collecting the ashes and then going to this imaginary place to get my amazing imaginary diamond. DNA2Diamonds can actually do this for me.

Now I don’t think they don’t do it by impacting carbon or anything like that (is that how they do it?), but they take DNA carbon from a lock of hair to create a unique GIAcertified diamond in only 70 days. I don’t really know how the method works, ok? Magic perhaps. I’m no brain box on the nerd patrol over here. I think with my gut. Did you know, you have more nerve endings in your gut than anywhere else in your body? Don’t believe me? Look it up. And if you come back and say, listen, we’ve looked it up and that’s bullshit, the reason is because you looked it up in a “book”. I looked it up in my gut. Because of the source, no two diamonds will be alike. The bods at DNA2Diamonds go on a bit about relatives, pets and whatnot, but wouldn’t you rather create a diamond from…I don’t know,um, your semen? I want the opportunity to brag that my babymaking abilities are “diamond standard”. See, there’s the diamond right there.
More info here.

As seen on ScumbagMillionaire.